Undoubtedly doubtful

How do you react to someone telling you that they’re doing a PhD? Does it involve you dropping your jaw into the depths of the abyss as you have your dilated eyes fixated on theirs for as long as your held breath permits you? Do they garner your undivided attention and utmost respect? Or do you just unceasingly nod your head as you envision a mob of cymbal-banging monkeys atop unicorns galloping across the rainbow filled landscape? This is what I imagine on a day to day basis; I know, I have a pretty wild imagination 😀

As thrilled as I was, the moment I got offered to do a PhD, the seed of doubt crept into my subconscious and has now anchored itself rigid. I fear it will slowly but surely blossom into something more apparent. If I don’t tame it, that seed of doubt, nurtured by the mishaps of my research endeavours and time itself, will reign triumph over the dauntless half of my ego. As I read through the endless abundance of literature with much enthusiasm (more exciting than watching paint dry), occasionally my mind drifts into the dark zone of disbelief and I think to myself am I out of my depth in this chaotic realm of research? Am I actually capable of doing this? Well, if I haven’t updated my blog with a new post within 3 weeks of the previous one, assume that I’ve been relieved from the mayhem of madness that is research. 🙂

Moving swiftly on, remember when I said there are 3 labs I’d be making magic happen from, one of which houses several bulky pieces of equipment? Well instead of playing stare down with them, I actually got to dismantle one of those bad boys with the aid of my team. The goliath of a gizmo that I brawled with deposits thin films on substrates using a mysterious aura of matter. Handling the beast of a machine demanded a fine balance between manly aggression coupled with brute force and yet ever so delicate tender care; much like how you handle women. 😉


So here is the current state of play: I’m in the process of writing up a research proposal which is due in late July. Upon submitting this report, the yodas of academic research will review this piece of work crafted by yours truly and decide whether I get to stay on track and go full steam ahead with the project or whether to give me the boot and croak ‘let you go, we must!’ Here’s the be all and end all issue that I’m facing; when you have 3 months of time in your hands until the due date, procrastination is an inevitability and will be the bane of your existence but in some instances it could also be a blessing…..like right now, as I write this blog post. 😛

To sum up, I’m in a mental war zone, I’m familiarising myself with the lab equipment and I’ve got a huge research proposal to conjure up which isn’t due in until late July; I should be working on this instead of exercising my diligence in writing these blog posts but such is the unprecedented life of a research student. 😀





5 thoughts on “Undoubtedly doubtful

  1. Aloha (Hello) from Hawai’i, Roni. Cool post. Before i started with phd, i definitely was one of those who looked on anyone that was doing phd, with reverence. Back then, the reverence was more to do with ‘Wow, they must be super smart’. I still do today too but for slightly different reasons. Now, its more about ‘Wow, they aren’t just smart (knowing how difficult it is to get into the PhD program) but have the perseverance and strong will to stick it out and complete it’.
    By the way, fancy thingamabob machine . LOL. Just saying the real name of the machine would make peoples jaws drop in awe. Not your everyday machine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aloha Ron from Hawai’i! Haha, I used to think the same way but when they started talking about their PhD, my mind went blank lol. Now that I’m in their shoes, I know what it feels like to talk to someone about my PhD project; it’s like their souls leave their body and you’re talking to a mannequin haha. I’ve great respect for those who have managed to stick it out and have already acquired their PhD as it takes a lot of persistence and as you said, perseverance. Not to mention fending off the meticulous board examiners in the 3-4 hour long vivas!

      Just saying the name alone will leave you dehydrated!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Miguel. Technically speaking it’s more like a transfer report that I have to write up. This will consist of aims and objectives, the relevant literature review including gap in the market, a time scale of the project i.e. Gantt chart etc. You could say right now I’m in the ‘probation period’ of my PhD and upon the acceptance of my transfer report, I’ll hopefully be continuing with my PhD project.


      • I see, thanks for explaining! At least this gives me an idea of the possible scenarios upon taking up phd. You’re taking your phd in uk?


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